Things I am learning as about me as a mommy:
- I do not do well at dividing my attention....okay, so I do fine dividing up play time, but I do not function well when both boys are crying/fussing.... For example, last night, Ray was having trouble falling asleep (most likely due to this insane heat) and John wanted to be held (also, a suspected culprit of the heat...I know that sounds odd, but I swear the hotter it is, the more he wants to cuddle), anyway, in order to comfort Ray in his room and help him get to sleep, I put John down in his chair....I got through 4 songs with Ray while John slept only to have him start screaming from the living room....ugh, which boy do I let cry? It all turned out fine in the end...as I left ray, he whined for a minute more and was fine, but I hate having to decide. (Not super feasible to hold John while comforting Ray, in case that's your answer here, he fusses unless he is in just the right position.)
- I am incredibly lazy....on the one hand I have rules and expect my children to follow them, but on the other hand there are frequently moments where I just do not care enough to go through the effort to enforce them. Now don't get me wrong, this is not for the major stuff...it is more for things like (Raymond do not chew on that toy...etc.)
- I want to ensure that my boys have lots of fun filled family activities in their lives - even if they are still at ages where they will not remember them - and it bugs me sometimes (well a lot of the time) that my husband's jobs are not conducive to this and neither are our finances most of the time.
- I rely on my husband way more than other SAHMs do and there are times when I feel that is just fine b/c parenting is a partnership and there are other times when I feel that I take advantage.
- I am not the most affectionate person and this is not fair to my husband. (My mom was a really bad example in this area and sadly I think I picked up quite a bit from her...ugh.)
- I tend to be way too bossy....I have serious trouble letting my husband lead....and he wants to please me, so yeah, guess who gets her way most of the time.
- I have a tendency to take advantage of the fact that my husband wants to please me.
- I do not let my husband know often enough how much I really appreciate and love him.
- I can be super selfish.
- Mostly due to depression (have been on meds, do not currently need them), I sleep way more than most people do and that means that things do not get done around here like they should. (The house is rarely as clean as it needs to be, I do not get devotions done, etc.)
- I love my boys and my husband more than words can say, but there are times when I really miss my life of loneliness...never thought I would want to be alone when all I ever wanted was a family. Weird....
- I was used to a certain lifestyle growing up and when I was teaching and, well, I have not really given that up even though we do not have the means for it. The result of this is that I encourage/ask my husband to use our money poorly or do so myself at times. This is not a good thing for us....I really need work here.
- I do not adjust to change as well as I should...another thing that needs work. If my husband is to be a pastor someday (hopefully soon), I need to be much more flexible than I am.
4 comments:
I could have written a lot of this myself...trouble dividing attention between kids, selfishness, laziness, husband who does more than his share, sometimes missing being alone, sleeping a lot...really, I think a lot of these things are more common than it would appear looking at someone else's life. I think the fact that you are identifying things shows that you are starting to learn. I imagine the solutions tend to vary a lot from person to person. What seems to help me with some of this is establishing a (very basic) schedule and slowly adding things in over time. But, honestly, I never have kept to a schedule within the first 4-6 months after having a baby. Financially, would it help to have some sort of long-term goal that offers incentive for saving rather than spending? In terms of being a good wife, I actually really like the book Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. It has some things that are a bit "out there", but it really gives a good perspective on how to foster those characteristics in yourself that your husband really values and that help him to thrive in his role of leadership. That's my only suggestion for books, though. Try to be optimistic...my experience is that life always seems the most chaotic when there is a newborn, but things will start to fall into place :).
Anything by Kevin Leeman is a good read! I read "7 Things He Wants You to Know but Will Never Tell You" and gained a lot from it. I could loan it to you! I also love "Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. There are so many other awesome marriage books that I would be happy to loan you!
You're doing a great job, Dawn! It's awesome that you see your weaknesses, as well as your strengths, because you'll be able to grow through them. Give yourself a pat on the back!
Hi Dawn! Books are great. The Power of Now was really helpful for me. Have a wonderful day!
Dawn, I am not sure you "need" a book. You seem to have recognized your weakness. By the way, weather or not people will admit it you are not alone in your struggles. They are very common. I think our generation feels we are owed something, were not, we all know this and it is even harder when we have husbands who give. I also have a hard time letting Matt lead and he so desires to please me so if I don't watch myself I will get my way. I would just encourage you to do it anyway. If you read my most real blog yet you will see my struggles and I just told myself today "just do it Bree, weather you want to or not..just do the right thing". It was so much easier as kids when our parents were over us making us do it, as adults who is making us do it? Yet we know we will answer to all we do "one day" it is so easy for me to just wait for the one day...I just wanna do whats right today. I LOVE your blog posts!!!!!!
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