The closer the due dates gets, the more my random, mostly irrational fears seem to surface. Here they are...in no specific order....
- Raymond is getting SUPER clingy and attached to mommy lately....I know that he knows there is a little brother on the way and already the jealousy issues are arising....this mommy has fears about that...can I truly do a good job at paying attention to both? Will Ray calm down while I am nursing? (Right now he is in the climb all over mommy for affection stage and sometimes squishes his baby brother in the process.) (He is even back to fussing when we drop him off in the nursery....)
- Peter's schedule has changed - for the better - to mostly day shifts....but they are 11am-9pm and that means that this mommy is now stuck in the house most of the time. I tried once to wake Ray up to go get daddy and it took him almost a week to get back to normal....just not worth it. However, I worry that once the weather is really nice, and the baby is here, that I will go mad being stuck in this apartment/apartment complex in general.
- Will I even be able to take Ray to the park this summer with the baby in tow? How will I keep Ray safe?
- We desperately need to find a new place to live this Fall - for space issues - will that happen? So far the prospects are not good.....I find myself doubting God's ultimate control over everything....
- If I am going to be honest with myself at this very moment....about 80% is terrified to be a mommy of 2 and only about 20% is looking forward to it. I am so used to the routine that I have with Ray that I really do fear the changes that will be coming soon. I will have a newborn all over again....Ray was really easy, but every baby is different....will God bless me with another easy one? I'm not sure I'm the mommy who can handle a 2 year old (who is strong willed) and a fussy newborn....
- What do I do when Ray wakes at night, I am alone, and the baby needs me at the same time? Even when daddy is home, I am alone for about half the night due to the paper route....
- What if the finances do not work out? I mean right now...in my head I am thinking about the fact that the laundry budget will need to be increased (to allow for washing baby clothes separately and for just more laundry), gas prices are nuts right now, the baby needs stuff...even if he can get some things from Ray's old stuff....plus Ray is always needing things.....where will it all come from?
- Oh and here's a really weird one....I am always hearing how busy other SAHMs are and how they are lucky if they have 15 minutes in a day to spear to get some reading done. At the moment (and yes, I know I only have 1 child so far), I do not feel this way....why am I not as busy? What am I doing wrong? Or is it just that my husband helps A LOT?
3 comments:
Dawn, what you're feeling right now is completely normal. I know I was more nervous the second time around than I was with the first. You'll do fine. You'll figure out your family's unique rhythm & you'll make it work. :)
I didn’t know how I was going to handle it either. Somehow you do, and you adjust. It becomes normal for you, in the same way you had to adjust to being a Mom of 1. The love between siblings is amazing and it will be OK. If they need something at the same time you make a decision about which to do first and it all works out. Ray will be a great big brother :) Much love!
So, here are some of my random answers to your random fears...
- I never washed baby clothes separately and never had a problem.
- things for SAHM's get busier as kids get older. I remmeber having loads of time when Caedmon was little...not as much, now, though.
- Can I just say that, as much as I know the benefits of a bigger home, there are times when I yearn for, oh, about 800 sq. ft. I would encourage you to perhaps have a plan for what you will do if a bigger apartment does not become available. It will likely require some sacrifice, but God knows what you can handle and if you end up staying put, He'll help you work it out.
- I ALWAYS worry about how the current "baby" will feel when the next one comes along, and I won't lie, it can be hard sometimes, but it gives you a great opportunity to teach Ray about being a servant like Christ and to put others before himself. And the baby will adore him, which helps :).
- AS far as watching Ray at the playground, I would recommend putting the baby in a front-carrier and you should be fine.
- Well, my "baby" just woke up because his big brother was goofing around. Gotta go! Love you :).
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